Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Missing: $5,000 check

It was late at work last week when a co-worker stopped at my work cubicle. She had a check to be deposited and asked if I could hold it in my desk till the next day--then hand it over to my boss. He prepares the deposits for stray checks we occasionally get in the mail.

She explained that she didn't want to be responsible for holding the check herself since it was written for over $5,000. No fear. Big Dave is here. I took the check and opened my top desk drawer when I noticed the woman still standing there. Better wait, I thought to myself. I put the check aside.

The next morning I was plugging away at my desk, my supervisor sitting at the cubicle across from me, when something I heard jogged my memory. Whoa, that check! I sometimes forget at my age, you know. So I opened the drawer where I thought I had put it.

It wasn't there.

I tried to recall exactly what I had done after the woman had stopped at my desk. But I couldn't recall. Heck, if Attorney General Alberto Gonzales says under oath 71 times that he can't recall what he did as attorney general, surely I can be forgiven for a memory gap of my own.

One by one, I went through every drawer in my desk, even drawers I hadn't used in years. I scoured in-baskets, inspected my pile of recycled papers, looked in the trash, sorted through every last piece of paper sitting on my desk. Zero, nada, zilch.

My main job responsibility is making sure that various sites underneath our administrative umbrella reconcile their own cash collections to the penny. And they hear from me if they don't. So what does it look like for me to suddenly lose a $5,000 check? Not good. I'm beginning to panic. My hands are getting clammy. I feel a lump in my throat.

In a gesture of desperation, I decided to go to the file room to pull a couple files I had on my desk the previous afternoon. It's a long shot, but maybe I had absent-mindedly put the check inside with the file contents. Before leaving, I decided to tell the boss. Time to confess.

"So you're missing a check, huh," he said, flashing me a broad grin.

Wait a minute, stop the presses. I smell a rotten tomato here. Yes, it was time for true confessions. But it was my supervisor who had to 'fess up . . . to taking the check out of my desk before I had arrived at work, and forgetting to tell ME about it. The woman who had given me the check had e-mailed my boss telling him I had it.

"Did I have your blood pressure shooting up there?" he teased.

D'YA THINK??? I didn't even know he had permission to rummage through my desk, which is open since the lock has been broken a while. So I said, "I owe you one." He disagreed, saying he had owed ME, since I often berate his allegiance to Michigan State Spartan sports teams.

No soap! We work in Ann Arbor, home of the University of Michigan Wolverines. Belittling Spartan cheerleaders is not only the norm, it's expected behavior.

So if anyone knows of a good prank I can pull on the boss, let me know. Be daring. I'm close enough to retirement.


Blogger Lucy Stern said...

No pranks Dave, you are above that, especially this close to your retirement. Wait till after you retire and then pull a prank!

I would have paniced too! It's good that you went to him first before he came asking you about the check... Whew! you got out of that one......

8:24 AM  
Anonymous Squirrel said...

Glad you found it! My hands were getting clammy right along with yours imagining how you must have felt! Sorry, i'm not good at pranks. I'm usually on the recieving end on pranks not the other way around unfortunately.

2:53 PM  
Anonymous Squirrel said...

Glad you found it! My hands were getting clammy right along with yours imagining how you must have felt! Sorry, i'm not good at pranks. I'm usually on the recieving end on pranks not the other way around unfortunately.

2:53 PM  
Anonymous Squirrel said...

Glad you found it! My hands were getting clammy right along with yours imagining how you must have felt! Sorry, i'm not good at pranks. I'm usually on the recieving end on pranks not the other way around unfortunately.

2:54 PM  
Blogger Babette said...

SPARTANS are keen and merry pranksters, indeed!

There is no way you can possibly get revenge, Big Dave. Surrender and give up like a good Wolverine.

5:45 PM  
Anonymous AC Damnit! said...

Not a problem. I've got the 40 yards of Kevlar rope, shovel, pliers and cherry bombs. All I need from you are 2 fluorescent light bulbs, a 5 year old goat and 2 cups of coffee.

7:59 PM  
Blogger Lee said...

I can imagine the cold sweats you must have been going through! Arrrgggh!

Put a cooked shrimp right at the back of one of his desk drawers...that'll fix him up! Hehehehehehe!

10:28 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

Does he have a nice car? I told a fellow employee on April Fool's day that a seagull left a huge splat of poop all over the windshield of his prized, washed-every-day, shiny red cadillac. The look on his face was priceless as he ran out the door, and the prank was relatively harmless. ;)

4:58 AM  
Blogger Peter said...

Now then Dave, are you really that close to retirement?? your revenge needs to be planned carefully so that it can never be traced back to you.

6:04 AM  
Anonymous vicki said...

Surely, it involves putting something in his desk- just to let him know you've been there.

Once we closed on a house late in the afternoon and since we had a new baby at the time my husband hitched up the washer first thing that evening at the new house. And laundered a check from the sale of our other house- to the tune of 38,000.00 I made him take the shreds back to Central Title.
How IS life in A2, anyway? I miss the place, esp. this time of year.

5:16 PM  
Anonymous cassie-b said...

I'm thinking that was beyond prank. Your stress level had to be at the top.

7:07 AM  
Blogger Carine said...

I remember having a parent in my pre-school doing something like that to me. I was changing a diaper and he thought it would be funny to "sneak" his kid out to see what I'd do and how long it would be before I noticed. My husband was taking an older kid to the restroom. I kept calling her (I had my back to them), I her the gate and called the home immediately. I wasn't so kind as you-I told him that was the last time he tried that joke or he could find accomodations for his kid somewhere else! to me what you described-not funny.

8:37 AM  
Blogger LZ Blogger said...

Dave - Funny story! Not so much about you thinking you had lost the $5k check, but more so the part about "Belittling Spartan cheerleaders is not only the norm, it's expected behavior." ~ lz///

5:30 AM  
Blogger Nankin said...

Well, I certainly wouldn't go in on Monday morning and tell the boss, "I quit" as a joke. He might take you seriously.

11:52 AM  
Anonymous Deb said...

SO glad you found it! I was feeling uneasy for ya!

BTW, thanks for the link!

3:49 PM  
Anonymous Terri said...

God, what a story, Dave! I felt your panic reading this post. I'm really glad it ended up okay for you. (Because I'm thinking you're not QUITE ready to retire today!)
Wish I had a prank for you, because he sure deserves one, but I've never been good at those. But I sure do enjoy laughing at others. Get him good for that one!

6:02 AM  
Anonymous schnoodlepooh said...

I'm responsible for $$ at my job also, and believe me, I feel your anxiety. If something like that happened to me, I would be having a heart attack. You need to find a really mean prank to pull on your supervisor.

4:36 PM  
Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

I don't know. It's bad enough that he's from Michigan State.

2:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just curious - does your boss read your blogs ?

3:49 PM  
Blogger Kacey said...

Old college cheerleaders are a funny group. We knew a Michigan cheerleader from 1945 to the 1950 era. His name was Austin Hall and he never quit singing the praises of Michigan until the day he died. My sisters were both cheerleaders for Toledo University, but girls just don't have the fever that the guys have. If you play a prank on your boss, --- it will have to be on the day of the Michigan/Michigan State game next fall. We'll keep thinking, Dave!

5:20 PM  
Blogger simply me said...

OK pranks like that would have made me pee in my pants.....I panic daily over losing important confidential documents. I am always running around and often put papers done and then I can't remember where I was last seen with them. My latest Loss - my precious daily calender with all my appointments and schedules. This happens about once a week but its been 3 weeks. I think its definitely permanently gone. Maybe you can come up with some great memory supplement for us?

7:01 PM  
Blogger simply me said...

I meant put papers down.....ooops now my spelling is going --Help

7:02 PM  
Blogger Matty said...

I would get some of that yellow police tape and wrap it all around his house before he got home,,,with a piece of chalk draw the outline of a body on his driveway. Of course his wife has to be in on it. Any heart conditions?
If you think thats too drastic,,,,how about a huge rubber snake in his desk drawer. I've seen that one work really well.

5:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Manifest Destiny dictates a white-man's prophecy - White-man's world, white-man's Apocolypse

Your goal is to fix yoru problems with the gods and get off Planet Earth BEFORE you get married so you can raise your children in a happy, healthy enviornment.

The Italian boot proves premediation AND active involvement.
The gods are doing this to us with Artificial Intelligence. There is no such thing as middle management.

Yes, they WOULD beem a brain into a brain-less clone prior to a CAT scan:::
1. Had Hurricane Ivan DESTROY Grand Cayman (1999 vacation) and slice up through the middle of Alabama a mere six months after I was there.
2. Had Hurricane Wilma move up through the Carribean and park on Cozumel (2002 vacation) for TWO FULL DAYS
3. Used Oakland A's to send a clue (dynasty, win only in crisis, chokers), and to deliver the desired message they inflicted the Loma Prieta Earthquake of 1989.
4. Dog food poisoning 2007
5. E-coli spinish issue of 2006
6. Obviously, they love to be malicious and vindictive.
6. Hawaiian earthquake after Hawaiian jewelry store.
7. Hawaiian flooding 2006
8. Local flooding 2006, including Devil's Slide
9. Lake effect snow event of 2007 because I enjoyed the humor behind it
10. I often expressed I enjoy the dynamics/news coverage of hurricanes…
11. Six within the last year. There were a whole lot more little ones in the years preceeding.
Or, more appropriately::::
And finally::::
115. The gods alter the script for the Apocalypse because I sprawled their plan all over the internet.
The whole thing was to enhance boss.
They position this like the role players were here to help me, "save me from myself", when in reality using these brain-less clones ensured the most minimal of effect.

The Jews showed you boss wasn't going to happen with the Quasi-Holocaust claim. They will emphisize to the bitter end that there is no pattern of Jewish clues.
Because there is still one clue outstanding, those most important clue:::::World War II's Holocaust.

They will lie to the disfavored until the Apocalypse for it will ensure a supermajority of them die, relying on this relationship until the bitter end, likely positioning this to the disfavored by using me to continue this boss theater.

Austrian Sigmund Freud is known as the father of psychoanalysis, yet people have (mental) health problems because of their disfavor, illustrating the preditory purpose of this discipline, this individual.
These people.
Of course Hitler was Austrian. Glock, maker of the semi-automatic gun favored by black street gangs such as the Bloods and the Crips, is Austrian.
RedBull Energy drink, Buwdeiser both Austrian.

The Holocaust was foreshadowing, yet another example of the Jews sacrificing to help the disfavored::::
1. 1492 exodus from Spain. Spain became evil - financed Columbus, initiated missionaries, USA (dumping ground of disfavored victimized by god), etc.
2. Spread throughout Europe as clue to Christians worshipping a false god.
3. "Quasi-Holocaust claim" contradicting boss.
4. 5. 6. 7. etc. etc. etc.
The Apocalypse (or an Apocalyptic event) will be initiated by an Austrian. When the national referendum to allow foreign-born individuals to run for president is introduced I recommend you DEFY and vote NO!! In the years prior to this vote the gods will send POWERFUL clues suggesting the IMPORTANCE OF DEFIANCE.

It will be the Koreans (instead of Nazis). There won't even be any invasion:::They gods will scapegoat them telepathically::::
Black people like the ones who terrorized Korean businesses during the 1992 riots in California will be executed. I have personal reinforcing evidence:::::
This time the holocaust will be black.
Don't be suprised if reparations are dispersed shortly after the black holocaust, capturing those whom escaped their wrath.


Italy's boot is a clue showing the god's intent with the Romans AND their active involvement::The gods micromanaged the Eutruscans into the role of Romans.
Oshkosh is a clue just as Lake Michigan and Green Bay are clues. It is the ejaculate clue:::Life springs forth from this region.
Expect your traditional Second Coming of Christ to come from the region. Consistant with the possibility of matrilinial lineage it may be the mother's family from the Lake Winnebago area fulfilling some "Manifest Destiny" bullshit theater::::You see Manifest Destiny all around you (corporate).
Manifest Destiny dictates a white-man's prophecy:::::White-man's world, white-man's Apocolypse.

This isn’t about reals and clones. This is about the brains and the brain-less:::The brain-less are people whose families have been OUT FOR GENERATIONS, families lucky enough to avoid this disturbing age and its accompanying abuses. ALL of them got out back when they were peasants, even the royal families and Pharrohs, and the gods used these tools to create this stratigic history here on Earth:::There is no such thing as Earthly-management. Also the gods replace strategic individuals frequently as a managerial tactic.
This is the key which unlocks the god’s puzzle.


The Simpsons offered many clues to the disfavored, not the least of which ARE the frequent references to "pack/mob mentality".

ANYTIME you feel "peaked", experience craving or ANY thought disturbance where you want or like something irrationally (ex:::Halloween, Harley Davidson (theme:::Halloween colors), Dale Earnhardt) IT IS THEM TRYING TO HURT YOU!!!!!! "Magic" is used EXCLUSIVELY to hurt the disfavor:::The fuel of disfunction::::::addiction, homosexuality, crack babies.
In times past when gods felt more generous they employed their powers to help the disfavored (geographical clues, Moses's miracles), but as time went on the gods only used their power to HURT the disfavored (1906, boss, disturbing use of "magic").
There are subtle (sub)conscious tactics they can employ with the computer to make you think as if you are cooperating when they really are pushing you into your offense.

People were pushed into having gay experiences because their parents were sell-out whores.
People were pushed into being sell-out whores because their parents sold their blood line down the river in the early 20th century.
People were pushed into selling their blood line down the river because they didn’t pray.
Man hasn’t prayed to god for thousands of years but we have to pay in this manner because we have the unenviable distinction of living in this day and age, this heightened standard justified with the 20th century life of comfort such as indoor plumbing, refidgeration, canned foods.
The gods pushed people into being gay then murdered them with AIDS.

Women are the favored gender:::Those who understand what it means to be a woman are already halfway there.
The purpose of the masculinization of women of the last 40 years was to pave the way (justification) for The End, for it collectively brought mankind's favor down.


HOW TO PRAY:::1. I'm sorry for what I've done wrong. 2. I don't want to sccumb to temptation and make any more mistakes. 3. I want to fix my problems. 4. Please don't hurt me.

We will ALL be held to the responsibilities entrusted to us, no matter what temptations contradict this.

If you don't do the right thing you're going to do the wrong thing, and the right thing to do is to ACTIVELY fix your problems and pursue the favor of the gods.
The gods imparted wisdom in the Bible to help teach people the right way to live:::Tempation will be used to test you. You have to be willing to tell them "No." If you "think right" you may envoke their mercy.
You will never get off Planet Earth unless you are "thinking right", so you should focus on it.
If you're not working hard to fix your problems, if you don't creatively work to get the hell off Earth then you will be consumed by it, by the reverse positioning-institutions they instilled as temptations::::popular culture, democracy, materialism.

I have put forth indisputable evidence, as you see above with the Jews. The gods will never admit any of it is true, ever. YOU HAVE TO DEFY!!!! They will lie to you up until bitter end::::This tactic will ensure they claim a HUGE percentage of the disfavored, for so many refuse to defy and this will ensure they don't go.


My best adivce to you all would be understand what I say is true then WITHDRAW, not only from this plethora of detail (for updating the disfavored is one way to distract AND you should never be so arrogant to think you are entitled to understand the god's behavior) but also from this cancerous culture. Pursue the truth that you just learned and work hard to repair your relationship with the gods. Understand how these corrupt institutions (democracy, materialism/greed, education) affect your life and save what clues they will offer you for when you REALLY need them. Be very attentive and gracious, for you are counting on their generosity.
If you are good and decent and respectable you won't want to hear about all this. If you do desire to hear more take it as a clue, for it is a symptom::::They are peaking you euphorically, and this "magic" is used to hurt the disfavored.
Understand how the corrupted INSTITUTIONS affect your life and make the appropriate changes. For example, they use democracy to justify instructing the computer to create a sense of empowerment. If you recognize this you are better able to overcome the damaging effects.
The gods will want to know who I helped and how they are doing. If people begin with my teachings they will be on a list that the gods will PERSONALLY look in on. The numbers of people who pursue the path immediatley after I illustrate it will be very small due to their minimization tactics, and they will be members of an elite group.
Remember::The gods only use their powers to hurt the disfavored, and everything involved in this Situation are all good examples. Please let me remind you the Jews sacrificed, illustrating to people that boss wasn't going to happen, showing the world that all these popular culture elements associated with the Situaiton were the gods employing their powers to prey on the disfavored keping them captivated for over 30 years now.


1. Corporate sourcing violently punished::::
They suggest the whole "sourcing" era, where it is positioned that their brain-less clones obtained product from China and other Asian countries for the lowest possible price, will be punished violently if the gods elect to employ the "Asian invasion" script::::
One of the reasons it was so important to get out before 1980 (important to get out before the end of each 20-year war-revelry cycle - 1960, 1980, 2000, 2020, etc).

2. Deception of Southern rednecks to blame for Republican control:::::
Republicans, party of preditory disfavored, keep guns available. Easy gun availablility is an "open door" for the gods, a tool used to prey on the disfavored.
Republicans, party of preditory disfavored, gave you the distraction that was the Clinton impeachment theater 1998.
Republican loyalty is why noone cares that rednecks are set up for the slaughter.
Democrats good. Liberalism evil.

Kosher is a favor bestowed upon the Jews. The South eats LOTS of pork and there is an oyster bar on every corner:::::It's like liquor stores in the ghetto.
The gods have quite a sophisticated taste for irony:::::The Jew takes boss by calling in the Quasi-Holocaust claim.

The gods got rid of the retarded woman who lived across the street, prior to the fall of 2006 so their handiwork wouldn't stare them in the face while there was so much attention.
The gods took similar evansive manuvers w/ bi-racial so they could continue using this open door to victimize the disfavored.

American space tourist returned after 13 days in space::::"The first thing he noticed about Earth was the smell."
They don't want people coming back or watching. They WILL do things like this:::The intent is to prevent people from returning (favorite expeiences) or watching proceedings on Earth (following and complaining about their family/the Second Coming of Christ and subsequent Apocalypse, which has been HIGHLY anticipated for centuries).
Many of these families are in trouble, and disregard for their descendants causes them to fall further into disfavor.
This is merely one piece of evidence proving my Situation had to fail:::It would have commanded much attention from the other planets. Now I exposed the Second Coming of Christ in the most undramatic of ways, and since this is end of 20-year war-revelry cycle distraction theater targetting the "bottom of the barrel" these families teetering on the fence won't watch.
Won't complain about their descendants.
And it is win-win for the gods, for they manufactured a scapegoat and now it is all my fault.

Understand not only how things REALLY are, the gods actively manage Earth with their brain-less clones, but also realize their positioning, for it will help you interpret their clues. For example::::"Manifest Destiny dictates a white-man's prophecy - White-man's world, white-man's Apocolypse" is very real and we see it around us every day. It is not isolated here in the United States:::"westernization" has infested the entire world. This is a clue, and how the book of Revelations reads is what IS going to happen.

Bill Clinton wasn't impeached because he lied.
Bill Clinton wasn't impeached because he was orally copulated.
Bill Clinton was impeached because it was 1998.
It was end of 20-year war-revelry cycle distraction theater, of which there are MANY examples::: Brought to you by the party of the preditory disfavored, the Republican party.

Apex of irony in the Situaiton:::Jew calls in Quasi-Holocaust claim and takes boss, re-igniting the flames of anti-Semitism among blacks in the crucial years before the black holocaust.

2:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


11:03 PM  

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