That's All I Can Stands

That's it. I've had it! We're under another winter storm warning here in southeast Michigan today with sleet, freezing rain and up to six inches of snow headed our way. I'm tired of shoveling. My snow shovel is so battered by scraping ice, snow and concrete that it resembles some medieval weapon that's weathered a war or two. I'm tired of slipping on the ice. I'm tired of wet socks. I'm tired of rubbing my hands together for warmth at work or at home.


So come this weekend, we're headed south. Daytona Beach is our first destination, but I've also reserved tickets for a Detroit Tiger spring training game in Lakeland. Our decision to do this came suddenly though effortlessly after a winter that has delivered as much snow as we've gotten in 15 years. When I told my boss the week I wanted off he replied, "That's coming up pretty quick."

You betcha! This time next week I'll be mingling with the spring break crowd on the Florida beaches. So this week I'm beating my spare tire into six-pack abs, dyeing my hair dishwater surfer blond and re-learning the lingo so I won't look out of place if the cameras from M-TV catch me poolside. "Party on, dudes. Catch my groovy wheels over there."

And . . . no dog either!! Yes, my wife and I plan to sleep through the night instead of taking turns letting the dog out at 2 a.m. for his potty break. I know that come this weekend our pet chin-pooh will be sitting next to our luggage in the front room, looking expectant and moony-eyed at us as we start loading up the car.

"Doogie dog can't go. They don't ALLOW Doogie dogs in Florida. You can't go. No." That's always my line to him when we leave him home: they don't ALLOW Doogie dogs in restaurants, malls, grocery stores, etc. I think they probably DO allow dogs in Florida, but he don't know that. A little white lie won't hurt a dog.

Next week my son Greg can throw on a coat and boots to hurry out into sub-freezing temperatures in the middle of the night when our dog starts barking up a fit like he did last night when he thought he spotted a stranger in the yard (it was a partially built snowman). Bub-BYE. Later!

Yes, next week I'll be riding manatee, feeding gators, wrestling octupi, counting seagulls--whatever Floridians do to pass the time in the winter. Catch me on the next installment of "Geezers Gone Wild."