Ask The Life Coach

Checking my sitemeter recently, I discovered that somebody had stumbled across my blog by Googling the phrase, “If there is a tree branch impaled in somebody, what should I do?” This is intriguing, particularly coming not long after someone else had discovered my blog by Googling, “How far can I push my liver?”

Why ask Big Dave? Then it came to me . . . these people probably don’t need this particular question answered. Well, yes they do, but they need something even more important. They need a “life coach.” They need somebody to guide them through not only the complex questions of our existence here on earth, but for everyday common sense questions as well.

That’s what a “life coach does, right? Gives sound advice to those in need. I can do that. Through my years as son and father, I’ve come up with many helpful maxims. Among them:

---It’s always darkest before the tornado
---Get out of stocks now
---When in doubt, vote Democrat
---Tomorrow is the greatest of life's healers.

Now some of you may not agree with all of these maxims, but I thought becoming a life coach might be worth investigating. And what I found out was that this is one of the fastest-growing home businesses in this country. All right! I’m all for staying at home and getting paid for it.

So I went to this website where I took a ten-question quiz to determine whether I would make a good life coach. I scored 36 out of 50, after which the website questioned whether being a life coach was right for me. But they offered to sell me a book that would put me on the path to success in my newly chosen career. I’m mulling it over.

In the meantime, let me start out by answering the question at the top of my blog, just in case that web surfer comes back here. What should you do if you should encounter someone impaled by a tree branch?

Call 9-1-1.

Let me know where to send the bill.