Monday, July 03, 2006

I'm A Decent Guy, Really

Checking my sitemeter, I've discovered more foreign visitors hitting on my blog here just lately. Web surfers from Spain, Italy, France, even Malaysia all drawn to my tiny humble corner of cyberspace. Why? It appears that they Google-searched the word "Swinger" and came up with my "Meet the Swinger" blog where I published an old Poloroid Swinger photo a week or so ago.

I doubt my blog is what they were looking for. One visitor from Italy actually spent several minutes browsing various pages of my blog, according to the sitemeter report. Did he happen to get hooked on the fascinating trivia and creative prose I disseminate? Or, as I figure, he probably didn't understand English at all, but since I mentioned the word "swinger" seven times, he was looking for smutty pictures.

What really shocked me is that I tracked one web surfer back to a blog search he did. Surfing "swinger" on this blog search produced well over a hundred thousand hits. I pulled up the first page of his search. Re-printed below are capsule summaries for some of the the hits. By the way, much of the language I certainly can't re-print here.

  • ". . .get connected today with the most sizzling online swinger personals directory in the world and meet other married or committed couples who are ready to meet up with you." . . . in the world. Now I know why I'm getting those foreign visitors.
  • "Real Swingers Pictures - Real Swinger Videos At Swingertales you can expect to enjoy a total immersion into the world of swingers. Swinging is not a hobby, it’sa lifestyle! Swingers do not hide their sexual dreams and desires from their . . . "
  • "If it's the sexy, swinging lifestyle you want to go for but are intimidated because you think you're just an average Joe, seeing the content of All Swinger @#$%$#@ might just give you the impetus to be one."

Remember, I'm only re-printing the PG-rated portions. There was much worse. So when this guy searched "swinger', what did this blog search engine return as the best possible match out of a hundred thousand of these sick, sick, sick websites? Numero uno? BIG DAVE'S BLOG!

NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I don't want that notoriety. Mine is a blog for the whole family, and not at all for those with a prurient interest. I can see I'm going to be shut out again by the censoring filter at the local library. It's happened before.

Of course, I dare not go up to the librarian and tell them that I've been "forbidden" to enter my own blog on their computer. They probably would have me take a seat somewhere. Then they'd call the pervert police faster than Superman could tie his shoe.

"That man over there, officer," the librarian would whisper. "He's trying to get into B-I-G D-A-V-E-S B-L-O-G."

"Big Dave's Blog!!," the investigator would retort. "That guy's the top-rated operator when the vice squad searches key words on the internet. Stay calm. I'm calling for back-up."

[Note: I am going camping for this week so will be out of cyber-touch for a while]


Blogger Michael said...

Right... "camping"... *wink wink nudge nudge*

You swingers and your wild week long parties! ;-)

12:37 PM  
Blogger bornfool said...

Yeah, right. Camping... You smutmonger you.

1:47 PM  
Blogger LZ Blogger said...

RE: "my "Meet the Swinger" blog where I published an old Poloroid Swinger photo"... Although FUNNY, seems like a great way to end up on some porn sites! ~ jb///

5:19 PM  
Blogger Lucy Stern said...

Goes to show you Dave, you have to watch what you say....Have a good camping trip. Is this a family trip with dad and the enforcer coming along OR is this just between you and Wendy? Either way, have a good time.

5:54 PM  
Blogger Peter said...

Happy camping Dave, the porn police will be pleased with their lighter work load while you are away.

5:26 AM  
Anonymous Terri said...

You're really giving those porn police a innocent word...swinger...and look at all the chaos you're causing.
Now come on Dave...'fess sure you didn't have an ulterior motive there, looking for more blog hits?
Happy Camping...and stay outta trouble!

8:26 AM  
Anonymous cassie-b said...

I hope your camping trip is great. And I bet you'll probably get a lot of hits to your site while you're gone.

11:15 AM  
Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

"..going camping..." Huh! Sure, Dave. Uh huh. You bet. (Friggin' liar, going swinging, bet you a penny...)

11:25 AM  
Blogger Me said...

I gotta admit when I first saw that post title I was wondering what I was getting into... ;)

12:16 PM  
Anonymous kristy said...

Trust me, Dave. I know librarians. They would have no filtering at all if it were up to them. They are all about intellectual freedom, even the freedom to read about the swinging lifestyles on Big Dave's Blog.

And you chastise me for using words like "sucky." Humph!

5:33 PM  
Blogger Fred said...

Camping. Uh, huh....

Enjoy your vacation. After one myself, I'm home for a day, then back out. I can hardly wait to get back to school - all these vacations are stressful!

10:23 AM  
Blogger Nankin said...

The nerve of some people. Can you imagine the comments my friend got when she said she was a food whore?

3:44 PM  
Blogger WordWhiz said...

It's always interesting to see what searches bring people to our sites. Whenever I post something out of the ordinary, like my Catholic (bashing??) post, I get comments from people who don't normally come by.

3:09 PM  
Anonymous bernadette said...

Really? This is a campy post for such a decent guy.

11:09 AM  
Blogger Teri said...

Wonderful. I have the same problem and bet I am filtered out in some places. A lot of the searches that bring people to my site amaze me. In one article I mention "blue-haired grannies." Lo and behold, the next day I discovered a search for "sexy blue-haired grannies" that brought some peeping tom to my cyber doorstep. He didn't stay long...but then again, my blog's not called "Big Dave's Blog" either. ;)

Came to you from you can blame her!

Ciao for now...have a great weekend.

12:49 PM  
Anonymous schnoodlepooh said...

If those pervert police come to get you, you can send them to me for a good reference. I can verify the wholesome content of your blog. It's a nice blog and no swinging going on here, other than the old camera type. Pretty funny !

10:08 AM  
Blogger poopie said...

Well, "Big Dave" does sound kind of like a swinger's name :)

1:11 PM  
Blogger Deb said...

Hope you had a great time camping! Hmm. Can't seem to picture you in that "scene."

6:49 PM  
Blogger Tim said...

I might be foreign, but I'm Tennesseean in origin. What's wrong with us damned foreigners?! :)

10:20 PM  
Anonymous Maria said...

And so it continues. You have my sympathy. Bob reminded me of all the randy hits we got on our old on-line photo album which we innocently called Bob and Maria's Good Time Album.

Guess we have to be careful with titles now days. There are just too many people out there surfing for something we are not offering.

11:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


12:53 AM  

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