I Need An Island

     If you've misplaced the Gingo Biluba that you've been taking to help improve your memory, does that mean it's not working?

    Speaking of lost or misplaced items, it appears that one of our checks that we mailed in for a subscription has been lost. Ironically, it was to renew our membership with the AARP, the American Association for Retired Persons. I guess if anyone would misplace a check, makes sense it would be them. Maybe they'll forget that our membership expired.

    And . . . speaking of checks, where is our federal tax refund? We mailed out 1040 tax return back in the middle of February. It's now over three months and we've heard not a peep. I even lodged a complaint with our Congressman. I haven't heard from him either.

    When I go to the “Where's My Refund” program on the IRS website, after entering all my information, all I get is something to the effect of “maybe you didn't enter the correct information.” I know I entered it correctly. I'm getting the feeling they can't find my return, let alone my refund.

    There was a new question on that tax return asking if we had any transactions involving cryptocurrency. I'm not sure what that meant so I looked up crypto. My dictionary says it means “secret or hidden.” We don't have any secret stashes of cash or currency. Maybe the IRS does and that's where my refund is.

    I'm betting the same folks who are processing my tax return also processed my order for photos taken by the folks at Disneyworld when my wife and I visited last November. I ordered a pair of photos in early December. They finally arrived in May. I could have walked from Michigan to Florida, picked them up in person, then walked back to Michigan much more quickly.

    Today's world is so frustrating for seniors like me. Oh, the pain. And speaking of pain, why is it as we grow older all of our senses dull except for our sense of pain? My vision gets fuzzy, my wife's hearing isn't as good, my sense of balance seems off at times, etc. But my sense of pain is as acute as ever.

    I guess since I just turned 69 this month I'm entitled to some codger type grousing. My wife and I are celebrating our 42^nd anniversary today too. We're staying at a hotel on a bay near Traverse City. Last night we treated ourselves and went out for pizza. This pizza parlor mostly sells ice cream—pizza appears to be a sideline since when we ordered they said we would have to wait 45 minutes.

    Well, since one thing seniors have is free time, we ordered a medium pizza and waited. I thought the pizza was kind of pricy as they charged $2 for each extra item and we loaded our pizza up with ham, mushrooms, green peppers and onions. On top of the $14.99 basic pizza price, that added $8 so we paid $23 for a medium pizza that we had to wait 45 minutes to enjoy.

    Since we had time to kill now, I tracked down a paper copy of their menu—we had relied on the prices listed on their chalkboard—and it turns out they have a deluxe medium pizza for $19.99, that included everything we just ordered (ham, mushrooms, green peppers and onions) AND pepperoni. So we paid $3 more to get less. Don't you think the order taker could have taken pity on a grey-haired gentleman and pointed that out?

    When it feels like the whole world is taking shots at you, nature too, I just want to move to an island somewhere. Someplace with a sunny day that cures all ills, where everything is done in a timely manner and the diner has normal prized pizza.