Sunday, February 05, 2006

Buddaboom, Buddabing!

"Live on stage, let's give it up for the comedy stylings of Big Dave." (Crowd rises with a thunderous ovation)

If you've ever felt guilty about leaving your pet dog home while you and the family go out for dinner, do what we do. Have your dog wear one of those "Leader Dog In Training" jackets. It'll get him in anywhere. He doesn't have to behave--he's in training! We've been taking Fido to the same Chinese restaurant now for three years. He wanders around, eats scraps off the floor, begs from other diners, barks when the food is brought out. So what, he's in training!"

Finally, the manager came up to us and said, "You dog pretty slow to catch on, eh."

I said, "Yeah, there are slow learners in this world."

Crowd laughs. Jerry Seinfeld, Jay Leno and Dave Barry are diligently taking notes. Lorne Michaels is asking for my agent.

Ah, fantasy! I did actually compose a stand-up comedy routine once with aspirations of performing during open mike night at the local comedy club. But butterflies talked me out of it long before I could drive downtown Ann Arbor. What happens if nobody gets the jokes?

I better carry a snare drum, so I can do a little drum roll and rim shot every time I throw out a one-liner. Buddaboom, Buddabing! That would have helped the last time I got a haircut from a young lady at a local barbershop. When I commented how busy it was, she mentioned that a fellow haircutter had fallen the day before, breaking her arm.

"Well, you still can cut hair with one arm, can't you?" I joked (I thought).

There was a brief pause, then the young lady responded in all seriousness, "No, you definitely need two hands to cut hair." After another lull, she added emphatically and with a bit of ire, "Definitely!"

'Okay, okay. Sorryyyyyyy,' I thought to myself. This same hair salon had a sign above each mirror stating the company's motto: "Our job is to bring you back." I wanted to say, "I saw that sign above a witch doctor's hut in Haiti."

Think she would have got the joke? Buddaboom, buddabing!


Blogger Peter said...

Being "cute" with people who have sharp instruments near your head is perhaps not a good idea Dave?

3:56 AM  
Blogger Me1issa said...

I agree with Peter. You took a big risk there buddy! LOL ;)

5:03 AM  
Blogger Bernadette said...

Good stuff here, but I was hoping for some sports humor. *gulp, sniff*

9:56 AM  
Blogger Deb said...

I think you're hilarious! Let me know when you do Vegas!

1:32 PM  
Anonymous Maria said...

Don't ya just love it when you are the only one laughing! Well, you can always hope they will catch on later and laugh all the way home.

5:31 PM  
Anonymous Kristy said...

You're doing Voodoo humor now? You're a man after my own heart, Dave!

9:29 PM  
Blogger Gypsybobocowgirl said...

Actually, I do a lot of lectures, and I'm always amazed at how many laughs I manage to get when covering the dry boring topic of heart disease (at my jokes, I'm hoping). Maybe you ought to give open mike night a try.

10:33 PM  
Anonymous Terri said...

I found you via Maria and loved your idea of the doggie in training jacket.
Also love your sense of humor, so I'm going to browse your blog and be back often to visit.
I've always said, "Laughter truly is the best medicine."
Leno......move aside for THIS Dave.

7:09 AM  
Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

Uh, Dave? Stick with the drums.

9:24 AM  
Blogger Fred said...

Where can I buy tickets for the next show?

2:56 PM  
Blogger Lucy Stern said...

In the mood she was in, I don't think so. You ought to give it a try...Take the snare drum along with you and make it part of the show.

7:21 PM  
Blogger bornfool said...

Folks, He'll be here all week. Don't forget to tip your waiters and waitresses.

7:06 AM  
Anonymous Melissa said...

Just letting you know that we've got our site moved for the most part. So update your blogroll! :)

9:31 AM  
Blogger Nankin said...

Dave, think the doggie in training vest would work for my cats? They could roam around rubbing on peoples' legs leaving behind a fair amount of hair. Then they could go into the kitchen and climb on all the shelves and counters and then sneak into the fridge. Sounds like a winner to me.

You have to know some people take themselves too seriously. By the time they figure out you're making a joke, it's way too late, you could be in the next county. LOL

5:11 AM  
Blogger poopie said...

Heh..she was blonde, right? Now you've got the picture of that character on SNL stuck in my head and I can't get rid of it. You know the one..the Spanish speaking comic with the drum that ends each joke with "ayyyyyyeeeee".

11:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


12:45 AM  

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