You Are Your Bumper Sticker

Last week I noticed a sign on a co-worker’s door that said, "Gone for Jury Duty." So when she returned, I asked her how it went. She said she wasn’t picked for the jury--a federal civil rights case--but she still found the process enlightening. For example, she said in winnowing out those prospective jurors with prejudices, a number of questions were asked about what newspapers they read and what radio stations they listened to. But the judge also wanted to know if potential jurors had any bumper stickers on their cars and what those stickers said.

So I wondered about that. Although most cars with bumper stickers have rather innocuous messages, like Vote for So-and-So or Save The Whales, there could be some messages that a surprised jury pool applicant might be shy about repeating. I browsed some bumper snickers and came up with these candidates:


"Criminal lawyer" is a redundancy.

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

I have PMS and a Gun. Any questions?

Lawyers have feelings too, allegedly.

Support a Lawyer, Become a Doctor

Don't Make Me Mad, I'm running out of places to hide bodies.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

Honk if you've never seen an Uzi fired from a moving vehicle.

Only lawyers get to be judges and that’s the (f)law.

If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, riddle them with bullets.


Here’s the one that I want:

Upon the advice of my attorney, this bumper sticker will make no statement.