Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Bat!


As the oldest of four, I captivated my younger siblings with stories of the supernatural, culled from my late night watching of Theatre of Thrills on local TV. Ghosts, werewolves, vampires . . . all such good stuff. Once, my youngest brother was by himself in our cavernous old house while the rest of the family visited grandma down the street. The kitchen door to the the basement creaked open and a bat swooped in from the darkness below. Pandemonium! My brother fled the house. A neighbor reported, "If I hadn't grabbed him while he was screaming and running by, he would have kept on going." For some ungodly reason, I was blamed by my parents for the panic that had ensued. Moi?

Our cat one day discovered and dispatched three or four bats coming in through the floorboards of our living room. Mother fed the cat its favorite liver feast dinner that night. Good kitty.

In our present house, we were gathered in the family room when we heard the rhythmic flapping of wings in the dim light. Bat! We chased him around the house (okay, he chased us). Then he disappeared upstairs. My younger son and I armed ourselves with tennis rackets and climbed slowly up. At the upstairs landing, we took a deep breath. Nothing. Then the bat suddenly appeared from around a corner, heading straight for us. Scott stepped back into the bathroom and slammed the door behind, leaving his dear father alone to conquer the beast.

My sister and two co-workers were climbing an empty stairwell at a hospital where they worked when they came across the apparent lifeless form of a small bat. It lay face down and still before them. My sister leaned over and blew gently onto its fur. To their horror, the creature lifted its head and bared its fangs. They ran screaming into a hallway, their panicky flight joined by a patient awaiting a test. Poor fellow. Had no idea of the terror he was trying to escape.

Finally, my buddy Bob recounts his more recent enounter with a bat in an e-mail:

"I've been busier than normal around here killing hornets--they scare the hell out of all of us. So I'm checking out the kitchen window and what do I see but a freaking bat hanging upside down there between the screen and the storm window. So I try to think how to dislodge this winged rodent. Hit him with hornet spray--nothing. Garden hose, nothing. So I decide to outsmart it. I grab a bright light and one of those big silver fixtures. I figure he isn't going to like bright light.

I'm right on. But he just moves to the other side of the window. I move the lamp and we dance like this for several hours with a move every 15 minutes. Finally he's on the move and I'm chasing him all over the window with the lamp. I had tried to hide this from the kids but eventually they discovered the bat. Of course, my son, in all his Batman glory is fascinated and wants me to leave the bat alone. But I'm persistent. The bat eventually lifts his leg and pisses all over my window. The kids think this is the funniest thing ever and laugh themselves silly whenever they think about it."

14 Comments:

Blogger Peter said...

There are a lot of good stories there Dave,
"Holey Toledo Batman."

12:57 PM  
Blogger Tan Lucy Pez said...

You know what? It is about the funniest thing ever!

4:26 PM  
Blogger WordWhiz said...

Okay...the photo startled the crap out of me!! The story was funny though.

Several years ago, we were all away on vacation. My oldest son was 17 at the time and didn't want to go on family vacations. Maybe if we were going someplace FUN, like Disney World, but not to Old Quebec City...too boring and historic. So he stayed home to house sit and dog sit. I called him daily to check in. (Not to worry...the the party type. He's a television and video game addict.) He had a bat get INSIDE the house. Initially he thought it was a bird and tried to catch it and throw it outside. Birds managed to find their way down the chimney every so often, so this wasn't an unusual thing. Then he realized it was a bat! He put gloves and socks on his hands...many layers, and caught it in a shoe box. However it escaped when he tried to move the box to throw the thing outside. He lost it in the house and never found it. We never saw it again, so perhaps it went out the same way it had come in. Who knows. I'm sure it never occurred to him to try bright light!

6:22 PM  
Blogger Trucker Bob said...

Is it just me or does that thing only have one eye?

Heckuva picture!

7:03 AM  
Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

tennis rackets? what happened to wooden stakes?

7:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

just wondering,with all the bat's if you ever had any in your belfry?

12:36 PM  
Blogger poopie said...

I can just picture baby brother running forever.....

1:45 PM  
Blogger Gypsybobocowgirl said...

I have a bat story--but it is kind of sad. My sister was dying, and I was leaving the next day to go stay with her. I had been going every weekend, but this particular weekend I had packed my funeral dress and was leaving a few days early, because I knew it was the end. Of course, I couldn't sleep at all, and then I started hearing these strange noises. I got up and turned on the light in my apartment, which as it turns out, is the wrong thing to do when you have a bat. But of course, you don't know it is a bat until you turn on the light. I turned it off again, and tried to figure out what to do. I finally went and opened the front door, left all the lights off and went back into the bedroom and turned on the light. A lot of screeching and a few moments later, the bat flew into the dark hallway. I closed the bedroom door and turned on the hall light. Using this method of "bat-herding" (and a good sized broom) I got the bat out. I was so terrorized by the bat that I didn't dwell on my sister that particular night.

11:22 PM  
Blogger schnoodlepooh said...

Those are great bat stories! I laughed out loud. I had a bat in the house also, when I was taking a break from college, staying with my aunt. I have no idea how it got in the house, but I don't think it wanted to be there any more than we wanted it.

10:34 AM  
Blogger Fred said...

That is one ugly creature!

10:30 AM  
Blogger bornfool said...

Holy urination, Batman!

12:40 PM  
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