Friday, November 18, 2005

Gym Rats! Or Rats, Gym!

It had been a long time since I'd been to the gym. Months, no doubt. So I thought I better go this week since I spent money for the membership. First thing I noticed is that my favorite machine, the stairmaster, was gone. That was a great sweat-builder. Twenty minutes aboard the old stairmaster and sweat would be pouring from me like baste off a turkey.

Now they have treadmills and cycle machines and cross-trainers. They're okay but nothing could get that angina building like the old stairmaster.

I thought about going into the free weight room. It's where jocks and ex-jocks hang out. There you hear the constant clang of steel hitting steel as plates are added or substracted from the barbells before some stud tries to better his bench-pressing best.

Yes, I thought about going in there, but then I saw one dude with his sleeveless tee, sporting a tattoo on his bicep that looked like a peacock, flowing tailfeathers and all.

I'm not sure a tattoo of any bird would fit on my upper arm. Maybe Snoopy's Woodstock. I wonder if there are insect tattoos. My son Scott hits the free weight racks. I'm not sure he could fit a peacock on his bicep. Maybe somebody like Woody the Woodpecker. But that might not fly as tattoo art. Anyway, I thought I'd work on the cross-trainer instead.

Now I still sport a pretty good quadricep. Yup, from my days on the stairmaster. Helped me to climb Mt. Washington in New Hampshire a couple years ago. You could probably fit a pretty good sized tattoo on my upper thigh. I'm thinking a Polish eagle would draw stares of admiration.

I was pretty proud of my upper thigh bulge. Sometimes I'd tell somebody to go ahead and press their fingers there to demonstrate its rigidity. My wife didn't think it appropriate my asking women to check firmness of my thigh muscle. Heck, it was just her sister.

So it's a couple days later and I have pains in back of both my knees, courtesy of that cross-trainer obviously. Great! So what muscle's there? Certainly not one you can show off with a tattoo.


Blogger Peter said...

No pain no gain Dave.

5:09 AM  
Blogger schnoodlepooh said...

Muscles are highly overrated.

9:38 AM  
Blogger poopie said...

I agree...highly overrated. Especially the ones who shave their bodies. Ick.

2:54 PM  
Blogger Fred said...

Months for you, years for me. Isn't a muscle something you have as an appetizer?

9:21 PM  
Blogger Nankin said...

And here I was thinking of going back to the gym this Monday. Should I, or shouldn't I?

5:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If your using your blog now to make fun of my muscles I'm gonna have to shut down this whole operation.

The ladies around MSU seem to enjoy my "Woody Woodpecker" arms. Has it been that long since I been home, you dont even remember what I look like?

-Youngest Son

7:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

tatoo's are forever,big muscle's aren't.
youngest son sound's like a stud.

6:25 AM  
Blogger Lucy Stern said...

When my dad was in WW II, he got drunk one night and had a tattoo put on his upper arm. It said, Mother. When dad got old and a little "Saggy" the tattoo changed shape and it had faded...It didn't look so good any more.

Now my daughter, who is 26, just had a tattoo put on her waist line on her back. It is a heart and it has vines on both sides. Every time she bends over you can see that tattoo. I don't think I would mess around with something that permanent.

9:27 PM  
Blogger Gypsybobocowgirl said...

One of my college roomies had his last name emblazoned across his back like a football jersy. I kept telling him to put his address underneath it, in case he passed out, they would know where to take him home to. As everyone says, they look great when we are young and firm...not so great on old people.

8:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


1:11 AM  

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