Oh, The Stress (Test)

My doctor was really in "worry-wart" mode during my annual physical this year. He was handing out new prescriptions like they were candy. And it took some convincing to enlighten his nurse that I DID just have a tetanus shot. In fact, it took place last year in this very office. After some digging through my chart, she finally saw the note and agreed.

But I couldn't wriggle free of a commitment to an EKG treadmill stress test for my heart. I did have one seven years ago, but the doctor still had concerns and scheduled me for another.

That happened today. I'm not a big fan of stress EKGs. After my first one, done when I was forty, I nearly fainted. During the last one they found some minor defect in the way my ticker was working. Nothing to worry about then, but now it's seven years later. So I was nervous enough that I purchased a daily pass to my own recreation center yesterday to do my own trial run on their treadmill. I did 20 minutes, worked up a healthy sweat, and suffered no ill effects. Boo-yeah.

Of course, when you're actually at the cardiology center, little things can unnerve you. Like not having the right paperwork with me and hearing threats to cancel the test right then and there. Thankfully, my primary care doctor faxed the paperwork over while we waited. Then the examining nurse found a tic on my leg.

A tic? As in blood-sucking parasite? The nurse snatched him off but how unnerving is that? I wanted to strip naked right there and ask her if there were any more trying to burrow their way into my blood supply, of which I would obviously need every drop right now.

Then I started walking the treadmill. What they do is increase the intensity, both the speed and the incline, every two minutes until you either collapse or quit on your own. Then they stop it immediately and you lie down for a quick chest scan, forcing your heart to operate in kind of a crisis mode.

First two minutes were a walk in the park. The next two minutes were still a walk in the park, only going slightly uphill and quicker. Then the pace picked up, as if you were walking quickly through the park alone at night while hearing strange noises.

Then the nurse mentioned that if I were the competitive type, the last time I did this test I made it over 13 minutes. What?? Whom was I dealing with here? Is she a Jillian wannabe from The Biggest Loser TV program? Was her father a drill sergeant with the Marines? My number one goal here is self-preservation, not beating a stamina milestone recorded when seven years younger.

Now, approaching ten minutes, I felt as if I were jogging lightly up Mount Everest. But my heart rate was still in the 130 beats per minute range. Not that high. When ten minutes kicked in, it felt as if I were doing a moderate jog up Mt. Everest, while carrying a pack animal on my back, his pack included. I did see my heart rate rise to 150 bpm, almost 160.

"I can do 12 minutes, " I proposed. They seemed satisfied with that, even counting me down the last 15 seconds. Cool. Felt like I was on a game show. But then the treadmill abruptly stopped and they put me on the gurney for the heart scan. Whoa, everything started to go white. I tried to sit up but they said, "You're okay" and made me lie down again. Eventually things returned to normal.

Whew, glad that's over. No chest pain, abnormal dizziness or shortness of brreath. I say I passed, never mind the doctor. But then a letter from my primary care doctor awaited me when I arrived home tonight. He wants me to make an appointment with him to go over my latest lab results.

*Sigh*