Saturday, January 17, 2009

B-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R-R!!!


Musings while shoveling snow in below zero temperatures . . .


Whoever thought that plastic show shovels were a good idea should be forced to shovel my walk with one. They don't chop up crusty snow, they crack and break easily; it's like having a paper umbrella for the rain.


I want Congress to enact a "Truth In Winter" statute. Winter-related songs may not portray the season in a beautiful or romantic manner. For example, the lyrics to Winter Wonderland would be changed from:


Sleigh bells ring, are you listening

In the lane, snow is glistening

A beautiful sight we're happy tonight,

Walking in a winter wonderland


to:


Blizzards scream, are you worried,

In the snow, our car is buried

A dubious sight, we're trembling with fright,

Hoping that our furnace stays alight.


This morning it was seven degrees below zero according to the temperature gauge in my car. That's the air temperature, not including wind chill. This morning we were under a wind chill warning. That's beyond wind chill watch and wind chill advisory. That's hellish cold. Twenty and thirty degrees below zero cold.


I bought a pair of Lands End ski gloves for my wife for Christmas. SKI gloves! From a company that promises on its website that its styles are "scientifically tested to keep you warm, warmer and warmest! Guaranteed. Period." Wearing her new gloves this week to clear off her windshield, she showed me her fingers afterwards. They were bleached white and icy cold to the touch. Lands End will be hearing from me.


What we really need is clothes like the Eskimos wear. How about gloves, boots and socks made with whale blubber? I'm all for saving the whales but self-preservation comes first. You know that people who make their living working outside around here have the right clothes to keep them warm regardless of whether it's politically correct or not. Postal carriers probably have whale blubber underwear, mink-lined gloves, sealskin boots, etc. If PETA only knew.


Now, about this catchphrase "blanket of snow" . . .

13 Comments:

Blogger Carine said...

seems we have the opposite problem Dave!
We've been in the middle of a heatwave here in the great OC!
Funny how we both wrote about the weather in this week's blog!
supposedly we have rain coming on our Dylan's 2nd birthday, but that could wind up being our usual sprinkle (mist) or it could be the deluge we need.

10:16 AM  
Blogger Lynilu said...

I'm SO happy I don't live in the Midwest any more!! We always avoided plastic shovels. And you're not the first one I've heard to have problems with Land's End products.

I'm SO happy I don't live in the Midwest any more!! hee hee hee!

1:16 PM  
Blogger Kacey said...

Don't be too quick to rale at Land's End... you might get Wendy checked for something called Reynaud's Phenomenon. Lots of people have trouble with cold weather causing dead white fingers from this peculiar symptom. Maybe, she will have to move to Florida or Hawaii. Get out your flowered shirts and sandals!

4:21 PM  
Blogger CAROLDEE said...

I HEAR YA DAVE!! Did you write those lyrics they are so right on!!
I puit it off until the weather cleared some and got up to a huge 25 today. Snow came down like crazy! Take care and buy a nice metal shovel ok!
PS my wordpress is down right now.. I am so ticked at them or maybe at my stupid computer!! : (

9:43 PM  
Blogger Lucy Stern said...

Dave, I love your new lyrics!! I think you need buffalo skins or bear skins.....Have you been hunting lately?....lol. I'm soooooo glad that I live in Houston!

5:43 AM  
Blogger Big Dave T said...

CARINE--Heat wave! Right now anything in the 30s is considered a heat wave here in Michigan.

LYNILU--We've bought Lands' End products before without any problem too. LL Bean as well. Wendy says she will try them again because they did feel super warm when she tried them on INSIDE the house.


KACEY--I would like to get away from Michigan in the winter. Maybe when we retire, if ever.

CAROLDEE--We went to Lowe's and they were sold out of snow shovels. That's ridiculous. They have all this summer stuff there, but no snow shovels.


LUCY--No, I've never hunted. I'm too accident prone to be trusted with a gun.

9:16 AM  
Blogger Betty said...

It's probably not quite as bad here, but it's BAD enough. Truly, it seems that each winter is worse than the last. I read with horror on one of your recent posts that winters are going to become more icy! There's nothing that stresses me out like having to drive to work on ice....

I have one of those plastic shovels but I think that's all they sell around here. Every time I shovel I end up holding a stick with no scooper on the end because it unscrews itself as I work.

Finally, this year I've learned to not shovel. What I do is try to use my Honda Civic as a snow plow/battering ram type device. Once every hour or so during snowfall I fire up the Honda and barrel through the snow (as fast as possible so that i don't get stuck), creating tracks for drving later and a path for the mailman. Thank heavens it has a manual transmission so that I can rock my way out of snow drifts. I'm fully certain that my neighbors think I've lost my mind.

Great lyrics, by the way.

Hugs,
Betty

12:18 PM  
Anonymous cassie-b said...

I'll sign the lyrics change petition. And as far as gloves and mittens go, I've yet to find a pair that does the job.

I'm about to post my annual gloves/mittens on my blogsite. Probably today or tomorrow.

It's not as cold here as it is where you live, but it's still way too cold.

Cas

6:16 AM  
Blogger Lucy Stern said...

Dave, make sure you pay that credit card off when the bill comes in or you will be paying interest on what you bought.

9:30 AM  
Blogger Big Dave T said...

BETTY--LOL, using your Honda Civic as a snow plow. We have to do that too when after we've shoveled,the street plows come by and try to block us in.

CASSIE--For extremely cold weather, I have a pair of snowmobile mittens. They seem to do the job okay.

LUCY--Don't worry. I'm planning on paying the credit card bill in full, even if it's got our plane tickets on there, our hotel, our tickets to the London soccer game, etc. I never pay interest on credit cards (which is one reason I figure I can afford to go to London).

9:07 AM  
Blogger poopie said...

bless.ya'lls.hearts.

10:47 AM  
Blogger Big Dave T said...

POOPIE--If snow were a blessing, we would be truly, truly blessed.

4:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

滿..................................................

10:46 PM  

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