Back From Aunt Bug's

It hardly seems like we were gone. But this extended weekend trip to Tennessee certainly made Big Dave bigger, courtesy of the southern fried pork chops, the corn chowder, the chicken and dumplings and three trips to the serving tables at the Great American Steak and Buffet restaurant in Pigeon Forge.

Aunt Bug's cabin was a winner. I did find it odd to find Gospel music playing on a portable radio as we arrived. And they had the jacuzzi all filled and ready to go. Hearing Rock of Ages doesn't necessarily make me want to strip down and jump into the hot tub with daquiri in hand.

Wendy said the kitchen was stocked with every kind of cooking and bakeware accessory imaginable. That makes it this an ideal vacation destination for you women, right? They had a pool table, wet bar and gas grill for us menfolk.

And there were three TVs in separate living areas, all hooked up to direct digital satellite. Never mind the nearby Smoky Mountains when you've got the Hallmark Channel, according to the missus. We could have an oceanfront room in Hawaii and she'd still be watching Matlock.

Of course, the one time we did a longer hike, we were not halfway to some waterfalls and she slipped and fell, getting a softball-sized bruise in the process. I was the consummate gentleman, making sure she could limp back to the parking lot before I continued on alone (she insisted, honest). I forgot there are bears in these parts.

It was a bit scary at night, with the woods and the quiet and the strange surroundings. I must have conjured up every lonely cabin horror movie I had seen while trying to fall asleep. For example, Friday the Thirteenth. Or Evil Dead, which I think was filmed at a cabin in Tennessee. Even thought of movies I hadn't seen, like The Hills Have Eyes.

I'll try to post a picture when I get them developed, but I'm not sure I'll have any. During one outing, I asked Wendy how many pictures I had left in my camera (forgot my reading glasses). She said the counter was on "S." That stands for "start", I thought. My film wasn't advancing. So I popped open the camera to check. But the film had advanced. Instead of reading the picture counter, Wendy had read the aperture setting (which was set on "S" to match the shutter speed).

So no telling if I got any pictures or not. Stay tuned.