Next Student Please

 I was asked this month to read to the “young fives” class of kindergartners at the local elementary school. There's a table out in the hall with two chairs, one for me and one for the kindergartner who listens as I read a book. Not much of a challenge, right? But I soon learned the challenge was to get the right student to come out of the classroom to join me. The plan was that when I finished reading to a particular student, I asked him or her to summon the next student on my list into the hall to read with me,

When I asked one boy to send out the next student into my hallway station, he returned saying that Caroline didn't want to come out and read. So I went down the list to Gavin, the next kid. That same boy told me that Gavin had a cast on his foot and might not be able to come out to read either. Not sure how a cast would prevent someone from reading, I said at least try to get him. And Gavin did come out though he took the long way, circling around a set of lockers behind me before getting into the chair.

After Gavin read, I tried again to get Caroline to come out. Gavin went to the open classroom door and shouted, “Caroline, you need to come out to read!” You could have heard him from down in the principal's office. I overheard the teacher telling him he needed to be quieter. But Caroline came out immediately. Another time I asked one kid to send out “Brenson”. It's “Brinn”, she said. “Oh so that's what they call him?” I asked. She nodded and went to get Brinn.

When Brinn came out, I was surprised to find out that it was a girl. And dismayed that I used the wrong pronoun, a no-no with the current educational climate. The next student on my list was Luca, another name I heard is mainly a male name, but when the next kindergartner came into the hall, it was another girl. Her name was Poppy and I located her name last on my list, along with her two brothers. They're triplets.

“We can't find Luca,” she said. Was he in class today? Yes, she said. How can you lose a kindergartner in a classroom? Never mind. I read the book to her. I went back up the list of names, skipping Luca, and caught the next kid. Things went normally for a while till I asked for the next kindergartner on my list, who happened to be Brinn. Two kids in the same class who go by Brinn?

Nope. When the kindergartner came out it was the same Brinn that I had read to earlier. So I asked her if there was a Brenson in class today. Yes, there was. So I had her get Brenson. And he was a boy. After he read, another boy immediately showed up telling me he thought it was his turn to read. “What's your name?” I asked. “Owen,” he said. I checked my classlist and no Owen. Turns out he was from a totally different kindergartner class. I said maybe next month he and I could read together.

After an hour and a half, I felt I'd gotten through everyone on my classlist. I collected my materials and went into the classroom. This smiling little boy came up to me and asked if it was his turn to read. I had a hunch. “Are you Luca?” I asked. Yes, he was. I really, really had to restrain myself from asking the obvious question: “Where were you Luca, sleeping with the fishes?” (borrowing an iconic line from the movie The Godfather) Not sure he would have got the joke though.

Earlier, this one girl came out with a gaudy jacket with colorful tinsel embedded. “I look like a rock star,” she observed. “Are you a rock star?” I asked. “No,” she replied. “I'm just a kid.”

Well some of these kids are just as entertaining nonetheless.