I Use Geezer Pay

 When dining out, more often than not

They're not interested in the cash that I got

My bill has a QR code so I can pay by phone

A way that used to exist but in the Twilight Zone

A Facebook ad recently went on to say

That payment had to be made with Zelle or Apple Pay

But I think if I offered the seller a bushel of fruit

They'd say get lost, you big galoot

 

In today's world of pay pal, Google wallets and Venmo

You can no longer just hand over your dough

There are electronic payments and bank cards galore

Those who pay cash are today's dinosaur

 

I fear the new scams that come so fast and so furious

It's why I pay cash, in case you're curious

I'll protect my savings from those who would purloin

And entice me to trade my retirement for Bitcoin

 

The ways of paying today are many

Just avoid cash and certainly the penny.

In fact, it pains me to see

The cashier whom I've just handed currency

 

He inspects my bills like they're counterfeit

And counts my change slower than time should permit

And he wonders as he wears a puzzled frown

Should he round up or should he round down

And he seems to be caught in a pickle

As he contemplates whether to give me a dime or a nickel

 

Why do I feel I have a bone to pick

With schools that skip basic arithmetic

It's not like answers to every how, when and why

Can be checked in real time with your cell phone's AI

 

Of course I could really make my clerk a nervous wreck

If ever I reach into my pocket and pull out a check